Popular One Piece Plots
by Lurelee
Summary: The Straw Hats look at the most popular and reoccurring plots right now in a documentary show. Chapter three: Mary Sue strikes back! The Musician is really annoying.
1. Nami's WHAT?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the plots I may use. I simply take one I've seen a lot of the last few days, and write a parody of it. Nothing in this fic is meant to offence anyone, so if it does, I am truly sorry. Oh, yes, and I don't own One Piece. Just a little bit of it.

A/n: I baaack! Though I've only written like two one shots before and they're kind of shitty. ANYWAYS! Okay, now that I've got your attention, I would like you to know that I would _happily_ write about _your_ fic in this story. Kinda like a really long, story-like review. I doubt anyone would want that though. Oh, well.

Warnings: Characters may, or may not be OOC. It all depends on what I want to have said.

Chapter ONE; NAMI IS WHAT?

"Good evening and welcome! Today's subject is _popular plots in the One Piece world." _Nami said with a friendly, with a fake smile plastered in her face. She was dressed in a lavender jacket and in front of her were several pieces of paper, put in a neat pile.

"My name is Nami the navigator and this" she turned to her left and gestured towards her long-nosed friend "is Usopp the sharp shooter. We are pleased to welcome you to the show."

"Anyways, as Nami said earlier, this is a documentary of popular One Piece plots." Usopp continued, just as fake as Nami had before. "It seems that lately, one of the most popular cliques had been Nami being pregnant with either Sanji's or Zoro's baby. Why not me, I wonder. Do you all have a problem with me? Is it my long nose?"

"Usopp, calm down." Nami said, a vein popping up on her forehead. She didn't particularly like the idea of her being pregnant. And definitely not if one of _them_ were the father.

"Yeah, yeah," Usopp said, looking annoyed. He gestured to a big screen between him and Nami. "Here's an example."

On the screen, a blue ocean appeared, and soon enough, a boat sailed into view. It was a nice boat, somehow pleasant despite the pirate flag on the top of the mast. The straw hat wearing scull flowed rhythmically in the wind, almost hypnotically.

Down on deck, for some reason all alone, was Nami. The faint green in her face indicated she was feeling a bit sick. The extra tight clothes showed she was getting a bit fat and she ate. She ate A LOT!

In fact, that very moment, she was munching down cream cake after cream cake. Not even SANJI liked this anymore.

"Aww, Nami! You're eating all the food! Share!" Luffy complained as he sat down beside her.

"No!" She replied sourly, slapping away Luffy's hungry fingers. "These are mine! I need them!"

"Why do you need them?"

"I'm hungry!"

"SO AM I!"

And the arguing continued for three hours or so.

"Hey guys!" Usopp said to Sanji, Zoro and Chopper, who were all hanging around together for various reasons. "Nami's been acting a bit weird lately, don't you think?"

"Now that you mention it, she has been eating a lot more." Sanji reckoned as he spit out his cigarette, only to replace it with another.

"That is going to kill you, y'know!" Chopper said before he glanced over at Nami, who was still easting. "It's like she's eating for two…" He said and then whispered "She couldn't…"

"She's been bitching a lot more lately, too." Zoro said scowling, narrowing his eyes as he looked over at Nami. "She's been bugging me about my dept to her more than usual the past month."

"You don't think she's pregnant, do you?" Chopper said worriedly, rubbing his hooves together anxiously.

"That's for you to know!" Usopp said, eyeing his reindeer friend. "And if you're so worried about her, why don't you give her a check up?"

"That's a great idea!"

The scene froze and Nami spoke up. "The calm before the storm." She said, suddenly giggling. "Here, I am already pregnant! And I haven't even started suspecting it myself! What am I, stupid? I mean, Zoro says I've been weird for over a month, so I should've noticed the lateness of my period!"

Usopp, looking bored, sighed. "I have such a small part in this!"

Then the scene unfroze and showed the viewers Chopper and Nami, in Nami and Robin's room, Chopper giving our favourite navigator a check up.

"Say 'aah'!" Chopper commanded and as she opened the mouth, he stuck an ice-cream stick down her throat.

"Aah!" Nami copied dully, glancing over at her desk, where she'd left her cream cakes.

Taking out the stick, Chopper turned her head to one side, examined her ear and then did the same at the other side.

"Nothing wrong with your throat or ears. Are you stiff somewhere?" Chopper asked rather professionally.

"Yeah," Nami turned her head back and forth. "I think I'm a little stiff in my neck."

"I'm sure Sanji will do something about that later." Chopper said with a smile. "Now let's take a look at that stomach."

Nami took off her shirt and let Chopper examine her stomach with his cold… hooves. "Hmm…" He said, and a little later he said "Aaahh…"

At one point he even said "That's interesting."

After exactly 13 minutes of examining, Chopper asked something Nami didn't suspect. "How long since you last had your period?"

Turning red against her will, Nami nervously started picking in her hair. "Ah… I don't know… A month or so, I think. Why do you ask?"

"I think you're pregnant."

The scene froze again, and this time, only Usopp was present. "We couldn't go on with the sketch after that, as Nami kept getting fits of laughter. Oh well. And yes, Nami is off somewhere crying her eyes out… of laugher, so until she gets back, I decided I'd tell you a little story!"

Usopp took a short pause before he continued dramatically. "Have I ever told you about the time I had to fight super babies? No? Well, then, it's time you learned the tale of the great Usopp!"

"Why don't you try telling a story that is _not_ a lie?" Nami asked sarcastically as she sat down. It was clearly visible that she'd, indeed, been crying.

"You've been crying, Nami?" Usopp asked spitefully with a smirk. "What did you think of the sketch? Was it really that funny?"

"Well, I just… I seemed so dumb in that sketch! I mean, I'm a woman, and women should be able to realize stuff like that sooner! And I really, really seemed dense and slow, which I'm not. I just don't like stuff that involves me going through the difficulties of being pregnant and giving birth."

Usopp nodded slowly. "Yes… Well, I don't really care because I _never_ get enough credit in these fics. I'm usually only there to point out that you're acting strange."

"Um… yeah." Nami looked oddly at the sharpshooter before she turned back to the camera. "The conclusion of this fic is that, even though it's a pretty good plot, and a lot of people probably would be very interested of reading about me getting pregnant, if it's done too many times it'll just get boring. Today, the plot has yet to be overused, but it probably will be in a couple of weeks."

"If someone _reversed_ the effect, however, making _Zoro_ pregnant with _Nami's _kid, it would be a blast. I'd be sure to read it!" Usopp said and winked, obviously trying to hint something to the audience.

"And that's all we have for you viewers today. Be sure to tune in next time and read about ZoNa – A swordsman's navigation!" He continued before he, and Nami, waved good bye.

A/n: Yeah… Asof now, I have about three to four more chapters, so I'll need you to both review me to heaven and come up with more popular plots and pairings. That's all!


	2. Luffy's Twin Sister!

A/n: (Clears throat) I am totally unoriginal! Seriously! Oh, well! The ZoNa chapter has been delayed – I need to read some more ZoNa fics first, and preferably some good ones.Also, some people might have misunderstood the last chapter. I don't actually _hate _the Nami is pregnant plot, in fact, I kind of like it! I'm just saying not to use it too much! And what the characters say is what I think they'd say if they read the fic.

Not in this chapter, though. These are purely my own opinions. Feel free to try and change my mind though. If you've written/read a great Lyffy's twin sister fic tell me about it and I'll read it. Maybe I'll apologise about this chapter later then.

Chapter TWO; Luffy's twin sister

"Good evening and welcome! Today's subject is _still_ popular one piece plots!" Nami said, with a friendly smile. Today, it wasn't as fake as it'd been before, in the last chapter about her being pregnant.

"My name is Nami the navigator, and this is… Luffy the captain. Maybe you're wondering where Usopp is."

Nami took a short break so that the audience would have time to nod approvingly, shrug dully or start whispering with each other like two old ladies with only one hobby: gossip.

"Unfortunately, Usopp has caught the nose flu. Only people with long, bendable noses get this flu, and it's very uncommon. However, it is not life threatening, it only makes him disgustingly snotty."

"Really? I think it's cool! The snot hangs from his nose to his knees! If he shakes his head, it hits everyone near him!" Luffy exclaimed with a big grin. Nami just grunted something and looked disgusted.

Luffy, in lack of anything else to do, looked at the neatly piled papers in front of him. "The ZoNa chapter has been delayed due to lack of knowledge." He read, scratched his nose and continued. "Instead, this chapter has a new plot: Luffy's twin sister!" His eyes grew wide with chock, and he almost fell out of his chair. "I have a sister!" He exclaimed in horror. "How come I've never met her? Ace never told me anything about a sister!"

Nami rolled her eyes at Luffy before gesturing to the TV between them. "Shut up and watch, Luffy, you might learn something!"

On the screen, a small draft appeared, with a small and frail figure on it. She had dark hair and funny looking eyes; somehow, it reminded everyone of a certain captain.

The sun was shining. It was shining too much. The young girl shifted from her lying-down position on her stomach to her back. With a groan she banged her fist against the surface of the draft.

"I'm hungry!" she yelled to the ocean. But the ocean decided to be a bitch and didn't reply. The girl, deciding to do something more… productive, sat up and reached for a straw hat that looked almost exactly like Luffy's, only the band on it was ocean blue.

"Luffy…" She whispered into the wind.

On the Going Merry, Luffy sneezed.

"Bless you." Nami said dully, where she was sitting beside him, reading the news paper. "Hmm... it says here that some girl from famous pirate Straw Hat Monkey D Luffy's home town has disappeared." She looked up from the paper. "Hey, does your home town even have a name?" She asked

Luffy thought for a bit before he replied. "Yes, but I can't remember it."

Nami rolled her eyes. "You've forgotten the name of your home town?"

"That's what I said, right?"

"Um… yes." Nami was about to say something else, but she was interrupted by a loud yell.

"HEY!" Luffy somehow turned his head so fast it kind of twirled in the direction of the yelling. It was coming from Usopp. "Luffy, come take a look at this!"

Luffy jumped up and ran over to Usopp. "What?"

Usopp pointed at the small, wooden raft on which there was a girl.

"Fluffie!"

The scene froze.

Luffy blinked. "What? Who's Fluffie?"

Nami sighed. "Your sister!"

"But… I don't have a sister!"

"You do in this sketch."

The scene unfroze again, and showed the audience this girl- Fluffie -lying in Nami's room.

Beside her was Luffy, looking very nervous and anxious. OOC in other words. "Oh, doc," he said, with a Pierce Brosnan-like voice to Chopper, who was currently examining the poor girl. Never mind that Luffy has never-and never _will_ call- Chopper doc. "Will she be alright?"

Chopper was shocked. More than shocked! He was outraged! Why was Luffy suddenly talking like that pathetic James Bond? "Yes." Chopper snapped, as he hates James Bond.

Luffy started tearing up, and suddenly one of those annoying flashbacks started to take place.

It was a beautiful summer morning in, let's say august, said Usopps voice from nowhere, as he is currently the narrator. The sun was shining over a peaceful village by the sea; the laughs of children filled the sky.

On the field, three kids were running around playfully, big grins covering their happy faces. Two of them were boys. Some would say that one of them, the taller, was the more handsome one, as the other, and shorter, looked rather rubberish. Both had black hair, and the taller boys face was littered with freckles. In response, the rubberish boys face was scared with an awful… scar… under his left eye.

With them was a girl, a bit shorter than the two boys. Her silky black hair was up in two pigtails and she, as well, had a scar, but under her right eye. Her face was, also, littered with freckles, but instead of looking awful and weird, this only made her look cuter than any other little girl you could possibly lay your eyes upon. Everybody knew that when this little girl blossomed into a 17 year old woman – she would be absolutely beautiful.

Not that anybody really cared _that _much about her looks, because usually, when you're five, you're always cute.

The three children ran around in a circle, holding each others hands as they sang a song.

"_Lululu, we're spinnin', spinnin'!  
Lululu, we're spinnin', spinnin'!_

_Soon, mum will call us for a good trimmin',_

_Of tha' hair of ours!"_

Nobody really knew who thought of this incredibly bad song, but everybody just assumed it was Luffy, as he's dumb.

Luffy, who was the shortest boy of the three kids, Ace, who was the tallest, and the last one, the girl, Fluffie all let go of their hands, and fell on their backs against the green, green grass.

By now, the author was so bored with writing meaningless descriptions of everything that was pointless because everybody will skip them anyway – OW! Nami, why'd you hit me!

Do it right! Nami scolded fiercely.

Alright, alright, back to the story!

Where was I… oh, yeah, the laughing children lay on the green, green grass, a big grin playing in their child-like faces.

Suddenly, a growling, like the growling a stomach does when it's hungry, growled. Luffy laughed awkwardly. "Har de har har har! I'm hungry!" He said, already using the trade mark pirate laugh that he's never used before

"Then eat!" Said his sister, Fluffie, who was the smartest of the three. Her voice was like an angelic bell sounding thing. Um, yeah, her voice was nice.

"Is grass edible?" Luffu asked and stuffed his mouth full with grass.

"Too bad mom and dad aren't here to make us dinner! Oh, how I miss them! Nothing had been the same sense they died!"

"Our parents are dead?" Ace said as he looked at his sister, somehow not knowing of this fact.

In horror of what she'd just revealed for her two frail and oddly stupid brothers, Fluffie clasped her five years young hands over her mouth. "Oh no! I've revealed the secret that I, a 5 year old girl, was supposed to keep because I witnessed the murder of our parents! And I can identify the murderer! Never mind that he saw me too and is now out to kill me!" She exclaimed.

Just then, before any of the boys had the time to react, 15 ninja masters jumped out from… the grass… in which they'd been hiding using their awesome ninja skills with a z, listening to their entire conversation!

They attacked the three kids, but Fluffie was quick to take action. She, single handily, killed off 14 of the awesome ninjas with her awesome fighting powers which she possessed at the age of five. At the last one, she lost all of her powers because the last ninja had a piece of kryptonite in his pocket. Fluffie turned numb everywhere, and the ninja took her away, after stuffing her in a green plastic bag.

All of this happened in less then three seconds.

"Wow…" the two boys said in union.

"And that's what happened!" Said Luffy, Fluffie sitting beside him, hugging him tightly. The flashback had somehow turned into a story in the middle somewhere, yet Usopp had been telling everybody about it. Weird.

He turned to Fluffie and looked her deeply in the eyes. "You have no idea how much I've missed you, sis!" He said and hugged her, eyes tearing up again.

"I've missed you too, Luffy!" She exclaimed back, holding an expression only a girl who has experienced lots and lots of angst can hold. She hugged him back as warm, salty tears wet her back, because Luffy was crying.

Then Zoro and Sanji suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Zoro coughed slightly, to get the attention of the crew. When he got it, he spoke.

"Me and Sanji has been talking." He started. "And Usopp and Chopper too. We have decided that we all at to marry your sister! And Nami and Vivi is a couple now." He said.

Luffy grinned. "Okay!"

And so, the straw hats, with a 4 to 1 marriage, a lesbian couple and a lonely captain sailed away a week later – into the sunset.

(PS. Do not fear, reader-sama! Luffy found a nice Sue – I mean girl- called Suzanne! They got 3 ½ children!)

The scene froze, with the white text plastered on the screen. Both hosts were speechless until…

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR SKETCH? ME AND VIVI? THAT DOES IT, I'M GOING HOME!" And Nami walked out of the set – and into the sunset.

Luffy blinked. Then he blinked again. And again. "I didn't know I have a sister…" He said quietly, eyes filled with shock. Then he looked back down at the pile of papers.

"This is a stupid plot." He said shortly. "Luffy/I already have a brother. Can't you just write a decent AcexSmoker fic if you so despertatly need to write about Luffy's family, instead of this utter crap?" He frowned at the harsh words, but shrugged never the less. It's now like the papers were lying.

"Join us next time and read about the ever clichéd musician plot. And once again, we're sorry about the ZoNa fic, but it might not happen. Please feel free to tell the author about some decent OP fics ZoNa or not!"

a/n: Please review! Oh, and I'm taking a break! See details in my profile! And pardon any grammar errors – I'm very tired when I'm writing this! If I find anything major later I'll edit it!


	3. Lost In Your Notes

Chap. 3 Lost in your Notes

a/n: Before anyone asks, _yes_ I want to offend you. But only if you take this personally. If you do, please feel free to flame me. If you decide to flame me, please make sure to be logged in or at least leave your e-mail so that we can discuss your problem further.

Disclaimer: One of these things should always be included. So, I do not One Piece. And I wouldn't want to own One Piece because it would rob me the pleasure of reading it.

Warnings: **Mary Sue.** Self insertion.

Zoro was staring blankly at a piece of paper, trying to figure out _why_ exactly he was sitting on a chair next to the love cook. He looked over at Sanji, who was smiling as charmingly as ever.

"Good evening and welcome!" Sanji said happily. "I am honoured to be your host today. This is seaweed head—I mean Zoro." He covered his laugh with a cough.

"Today, we're going to talk about The Musician plot, which we so creatively have decided to call "Lost in your notes." Yes. Zoro _will_ get lost in the Mary Sue's notes. We're just that clever."

Zoro frowned at the blond cook before he spoke. "Wow. You're so good at this that I think I'll leave you and your crappy jokes alone."

He stood up and was about to leave when Nami entered the scene. "Debt!" She hissed before she disappeared in a puff of orange smoke. Zoro sat down again, with an angry frown on his face.

Sanji smirked maliciously at the swordsman. "And now to the sketch..." He mumbled, amused.

On the screen, a greyish ocean appeared. The sky was almost completely black and big raindrops were falling down, practically drowning the pirate crew that happened to be on the boat below. And not only did the rain drown them, but the wind was blowing so hard it was about to suffocate them.

Yes. It was indeed the perfect storm.

The pirate crew, that the author so effectively managed to mention earlier, was none other than our beloved Straw Hats. They had, under the influence of Nami, decided to take the sails down and row to the closest island.

The storm, however, made it very hard for them. And because of this, the crew had resorted to breathing through their gills, instead of lungs. Yes, gills. For the sake of this story, all characters have gills.

"Wow!" Said Usopp who was struggling with the mainsail. "I sure am happy I have these handy gills!"

"Aren't you done yet Usopp?" Nami yelled from the upper deck. "Wow. Having gills sure make yelling a whole lot easier." She said before she walked back into the kitchen again. There, she would take a bar of chocolate from the fridge and make herself a cup of tea, whilst the rest of the crew (aka, her slaves) would row the boat in the raging storm. But hey, a woman is a woman.

The Straw Hats slowly but steadily (and painfully) made their way to the nearest island, which happened to be called Half-Note Island. When seen from above, the island looks like a perfectly round ball with a very long and thin beach on the north side. It's surrounded by six small islands called C, D, E, F, G, A and B.

When they finally reached this musical island, all of the straw hats were about to fall asleep of exhaustion. Except for Nami, but she was tired anyway. It's amazing how slacking off while other people do the job can make you so tired.

They found a small tavern they could stay in for the night. Of course, everybody but Nami had to work for it. And as they all lay there, Nami alone in the king-sized bed and the rest on the floor without pillows or sheets. (Robin does not exist for some reason, you see.)

It was in the middle of the night, but Zoro still couldn't fall asleep. Maybe it was because he was just so friggin' cold? You would think so, but no. As if in a trance, he moved out of the room, almost as if he was floating. The storm seemed to have stopped, and only a few drizzling drops were still falling to the ground.

He could feel a light breeze on his bare arms (the rest of his body was covered, you see. Pervert...) and the sakura leafs were slowly falling to the damp ground.

None of this mattered, though, for Zoro's eyes were firmly fixed upon a petite little girl with two long, ruby red braids and a solemn look on her face. With a flute in her mouth, she gently moved back and forth in tact with the music she was playing.

The music was almost magical. Zoro stared at the girl in awe as she played the gloomy song.

When she finally took the flute out of her mouth she smiled at Zoro. A smile so beautiful it could melt a heart of stone.

Somewhere on the left side of his chest, Zoro felt himself melting.

The scene froze and silence filled the room. Zoro, who'd woken up about halfway through, stared at the screen with his eyes as big, or possibly bigger, than saucers.

Sanji was the first of the two to speak. "Who... who was that guy who looked like Zoro?" He asked, confused.

Nami appeared from her orange could again. "That was Zoro!" She said triumphantly.

"Oh, Nami-chwaaan! You're here to replace Zoro?" Sanji sang heartfully and attempted to hug her. Nami, however, managed to sidestep the love cook without breaking a sweat.

She sat down on a chair next to Zoro.

"What're you doing here?" Zoro asked with a frown.

"Oh. I'm bored." Nami replied with a shrug.

"Does that mean I can leave?" Zoro stood up and was about to leave...

"Debt!" Nami exclaimed. Zoro dumped himself on the chair again.

"Well then. Lets continue! But first, a word from out sponsor!"

"I hope you noticed the Nami hate!" The sponsor (a.k.a, me) said and held up a "Lets all hate Nami this one time so that the new character will gain sympathy and be loved by everyone" sign.

"Um... yeah." Said Nami. "Anyways! Lets continue!"

The scene unfroze.

Zoro and the flute girl were standing hand in hand on the Going Merry, whilst the rest of the Straw Hats were staring at them with saucers for eyes.

"And _that's _why Kana should become a Straw Hat!" Zoro said, frowning. Kana, who's hair had turned emerald green to match her current sweetheart, giggled cutely, making the author want to puke all over the place.

"What's the reason? You just came in here and said 'And that's why Kana should become a Straw Hat!'" Nami said, looking up from the paper she was reading. Meanwhile, the author banged her head into a wall. She couldn't believe she actually used that lame joke!

"Argh!" Zoro groaned in frustration. "Well, I don't have a reason!" He confessed, "but... if you won't let her be a Straw Hat, I'm going to stay here!" He sat down on the floor with a childish scowl in his face.

"Well, okay then, you stay there, and we'll throw this Sue off the boat." Said Nami, who apparently was the only one who realised that Kana was indeed a Sue, and not a naturally born wonderful person."

"No, I don't think we should do that, Nami." Said Luffy. "This woman has stolen my heart away. I want her to be with me, always!" Luffy gomu gomu no took Kana and dragged her to his side. "I will make you the Pirate Queen!" He said pompously because he'd just fallen in love or something.

"Noo!" Usopp screeched and grabbed a hold of the poor, fragile flower's arm. "She's mine!"

From here, a tug-of-war began between the sharpshooter and captain.

"I am your captain!" Luffy yelled, his voice suddenly very dark and manly. "Let go of the maiden!"

"I am a brave warrior of the sea! I will never let the love of my life escape!" Usopp cried, his bare existence screaming manliness.

"Okay, break it up you two!" Said Sanji. He gently released the girl from the two symbols of manliness arms, and she let out a sigh of gratefulness. However, she did not bless the pirates with her heavenly voice, because she lost it at some point in her angsty past.

"It's obvious she loves me!" Sanji continued. The girl's eyes widened and she quickly dashed past the love cock and into the arms of the extremely out of charactered Zoro.

"There, there," he said comforting as he held her close to his bare chest. "I will not let these savages hurt you."

A cute little moan, which could be taken so wrong, escaped her lips. Noticing this, Zoro let her go.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves!" He preached to the three. And with the preaching out of the way, he turned back to Kana. "You have such beautiful, indigo coloured orbs!" He told her as he touched her cheek gently.

The scene froze again.

"Well..." Said Nami and looked at the screen. "We usually only have one pause, but the musician Mary Sue usually needs at least 10 chapters...so we're going through the beginning, the middle and the end."

Nami turned to Sanji and Zoro. Zoro was just staring at the frozen scene in horror, his left eyebrow twitching violently and his hand resting on one of his three katanas.

Sanji, however, was staring at the scene in jealousy, his eyes screaming "We are big, pink and heart shaped! Fear us!"

Nami stared at him for a second before sighing. "He's obviously not getting the point of this..." She muttered. "So onward!"

"Nononono!" Sanji started objecting, waving his hands furiously in the air in front of Nami. "She was indeed beautiful, but nothing exceeds the beauty of your highly desirable body--"

Nami smacked him over the head. "Shut up. Next scene!"

The scene unfroze and showed a deserted place where a battle surely would take place in just a few seconds.

"Arlong!" Luffy yelled out to Arlong. His voice was still strangely dark and manly. "Didn't I kill you?"

"Sha ha ha!" Arlong laughed loudly. "I am not Arlong! I am Barlong, Arlong's long lost twin brother!" Barlong laughed again at the ignorance of the little boy with the über manly voice.

"I have the awesomest powers in the world! In fact, they are so awesome that the Author even refers to them as One Piece!"

Luffy, after hearing the words "One Piece", made a face. "Huooo!" He sounded, his voice _finally_ normal again. "One Piece! You're One Piece?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I, Barlong, am incredibly awesome. But only because none of you will be able to beat me. Sha ha ha!"

The battle was unpreventable. Why? The author has no idea, but the Sue has to show off her awesome healing powers.

Barlong somehow managed to manipulate water out of thin air and directed it towards the Straw Hats. The wave completely soaked them, and as it washed away they were all lying on the ground, coughing up tons of water. Only Kana (and breath mint) were okay, since Kana managed to create a protective barrier out of the air and earth elements.

As she gently let herself and Zoro down on the ground, Luffy started to run towards the Arlong look-alike, grabbing a hold of a stone on the way.

"Gomu Gomu no Pistol!" He let go of the stone and let his fist, along with his arm, smashed into the gut of Barlong.

"Sha ha ha!" Barlong laughed. The attack didn't have any effect on him what so ever. "That kind of attack will never hurt me, rubber boy!"

"Arm Blast!" Barlong shouted and blasted his arm at Luffy, knocking him out. Once again, the author banged her head into the wall because of the lame attack name.

Sanji's eyebrows shot up. "That was... easy." he commented. Little did he know that Barlong had blasted his "Foot of Doom" at him. Sanji died a gruesome death. But not really. He was just knocked out too.

Nami, Chopper and Usopp had already fainted of fear because they are just so lame compared to Barlong.

Now, only Zoro and his loved Sue were left conscious, because they're both the shit.

The battle was fierce and bloody, but the author will not get into details, because the author sucks at writing action.

When it ended, Barlong was lying headless in a big lump together with his friends, the pirates who looked and acted exactly like Arlong's crew, but with a B instead of the real first letters.

Zoro, who'd single-handedly protected the unconscious Straw Hats and his woman, was breathing heavily. He was... near death! And the author repressed the urge to exclaim "le gasp!" because it'd totally ruin the mood.

Kana knelt down next to Zoro, grabbing his hand. "Zolo!" She said quietly. "Zolo, don't die!"

Zoro coughed. "It's... it's Zoro." he said before he died.

"Oh, Zolo!" Kana exclaimed again. Big salty tears started gathering in the eyes. "I have to tell you about my angsty past before you can die!" A tear fell down on Zoro, and he immediately woke up. Against his will, the author might add.

"It was Christmas morning. My parents were very poor and very mean, so they forced me to go outside without shoes and sell matches. But nobody wanted to buy them from me. So there I sat in the snow, lightening the matches to keep me warm. With every match I lit, I got hallucinations. Food, presents, everything a poor little girl could wish for. With the last match, I saw my grandmother. She came and took me to the heavens. Thus I died a lonely death."

"You mean you're a..." Zoro started.

"Yes."

"Ghost!" He exclaimed in horror. He'd fallen in love with a ghost!

"No!" Kana frowned at him, but the frown made her look so beautiful that nobody cared. "I am an angel."

Zoro gasped. Luffy gasped. Everybody gasped. Even Barlong even though he was dead. Who could ever foretell this surprise?

With her awesome healing powers, she embedded the Straw Hats in a bright light, making them all healthy again. Little did they know that by doing that, she was giving them her life force. And the Straw Hats made quite a few people who had to be saved, Kana's life force disappeared, leaving her without it. And what happens to people without a life force? That's right. They die.

When everybody were saved, even the ones who were only unconscious and would've woken up anyway, Kana collapsed, as if in a lot of pain. Which she was. She was in tremendous pain.

"Kana!" The Straw Hats exclaimed in horror, all running over to her as fast as they could.

"Doctor!" Chopper exclaimed. "Ah! That's me!" He quickly took a hold of Kana's wrist. It was cold!

"I...I'm sorry. I will be leaving you now... My only regret is that... I can't adventure with you anymore..." She took a deep breath before she continued. "But we will forever be... nakamas!"

And with those as her last words, she died. With one last struggling breath, she died, leaving a beautiful corpse. And the Staw Hats all cried for her.

The scene froze. Nami, Zoro and Sanji were all staring at the screen.

"What the hell..." Nami finally managed to say. She reached for the remote control and with a swift movement of her thumb, she turned the TV off. "Die." She muttered.

Zoro was still staring at the screen after Nami turned it off, possibly in horror. Suddenly he stood up. "I'm leaving." He said and walked out of the set.

Sanji, who was also very shocked, stared after Zoro for a second. "Why you... Leaving Nami-san's show like this!"

"It's okay, Sanji-kun." Nami said. "Sit down, please."

"Of course, Nami-swaaan!" Sanji sat down.

"So to... end this chapter, I will have to tell you what we think of it, and what's next chapter's topic." She paused, looking as if she was thinking.

"Please do not write this kind of stories. Everybody hates them... and that's it. Next week will probably be a deathfic, but we aren't quite sure yet."

Sanji looked at his papers. "That is all folks! Be sure to review on your way out!"

a/n: Sigh. This chapter was _not_ fun to write, and that's why the ending sucked. I'm sorry, but Mary Sues get to me, even if I am the author. Once again, I apologize for any grammar and/or spelling errors I might have missed.

I would also like to point out that not all OCs are Mary Sues. For more info about Sues, google "Mary Sue" and I'm sure you'll find something funny to read.

Oh, and I stole the Sue's background story... I hope you don't mind.


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